What do you do when your nearly in the smack middle of your twenties, your life is not what you imagined it would be, you feel like a failure on a daily basis, you know you'll never have enough money to maintain the life you have had,you realize living off of your folks is just not ethical anymore,you know you will never have that relationship that puts a smile on your face, You know you are probably letting your parents down and basically realize you'll never be happy?
It's even worse when you've been trying to pawn this off as quarter life crisis when it's clearly not anymore.
Where was that bend you took that turned your world in to this? Or was it the bend you didn't take?
Why live a life like this? Why don't we have a choice to when the end should be?
I know I'm only still alive because of two reasons....which I don't want to put in to words...
Is putting up a happy face all day and then closing your door and crying your self to sleep every night what my life is going to be like?
I don't think I can do it for much longer, but I don't want to go back to the dark place I've already been in...
Can I undo what I've done and make me worthy of happiness?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, June 23, 2008
FRIDAY FEAST!!
http://fridaysfeast.com/
Feast One Hundred & Ninety Four
June 20th, 2008 •
So I found this real cool site where they post random questions and you answer them each Friday.Check it out:
http://fridaysfeast.com/
Feast One Hundred & Ninety Four
June 20th, 2008 •
Appetizer
If you could live on another continent for 1 year, which one would you choose?
Europe
Soup
Which browser do you use to surf the Internet?
Mozilla
Salad
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how much do you know about the history of your country?
7
Main Course
Finish this sentence: Love is…
Love is the essence of life.
Dessert
Have you ever been in or near a tornado?
No, Tsunami yes!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Yeay! Iv been blogged for the first time!! Thanks Dili!! ( yes I'm lame,I get excited about these things!)
Here are the rules:
~ Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog
~ Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
~ Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
~ Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog .
01.I loooove plucking my eyebrows,I mean I like doing it my self .I do it when I'm stressed,I do it when I'm bored, I do it when I'm happy, I do it while I watch telly, I do it even after it drives everyone around me crazy!!Get the pic?
02.I have five friends who Iv known the longest in my life,I'm a different person with each one of them.I share different parts of my life with them,each one knows something the other doesn't know about me.Sometimes I wonder if I have multiple personalities!
03.I'm envious of women who get to stay home all day and just take care of the family and home, to be frank I dream of being a house wife, even though I know I never will.
04.I like Cheddar cheese and strawberry jam on my toast or in my sandwich.I discovered this when I was 7!
05.I'v broken someones heart by completely becoming MIA, something I promised me self I'd never do, but had to.
06.I wish I was much thinner and lighter ( u don't even want to know what weight I'm at right now!) and maybe 2 inches shorter.
07.Even though everyone loved the sex and the city movie I was disappointed! I expected much more...I feel like they did a half ass job with the story line!
Everyones been tagged already so I only have two people, Themissingsandwich and angel! (sorry don't know how to add a link!!)
Here are the rules:
~ Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog
~ Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
~ Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
~ Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog .
01.I loooove plucking my eyebrows,I mean I like doing it my self .I do it when I'm stressed,I do it when I'm bored, I do it when I'm happy, I do it while I watch telly, I do it even after it drives everyone around me crazy!!Get the pic?
02.I have five friends who Iv known the longest in my life,I'm a different person with each one of them.I share different parts of my life with them,each one knows something the other doesn't know about me.Sometimes I wonder if I have multiple personalities!
03.I'm envious of women who get to stay home all day and just take care of the family and home, to be frank I dream of being a house wife, even though I know I never will.
04.I like Cheddar cheese and strawberry jam on my toast or in my sandwich.I discovered this when I was 7!
05.I'v broken someones heart by completely becoming MIA, something I promised me self I'd never do, but had to.
06.I wish I was much thinner and lighter ( u don't even want to know what weight I'm at right now!) and maybe 2 inches shorter.
07.Even though everyone loved the sex and the city movie I was disappointed! I expected much more...I feel like they did a half ass job with the story line!
Everyones been tagged already so I only have two people, Themissingsandwich and angel! (sorry don't know how to add a link!!)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
An end......
I didn't know how it would feel...I never even thought about it as it seemed so far away.Today I attended my last formal lecture in medical school.....basic sciences are done with....I feel sad and happy simultaneously.Sad that I'm growing up and I will have to act it...happy that my life is moving forward....I wonder how Id feel after my last exam.....
Saturday, April 26, 2008
-I-love-you-
I have never told you I love you.I always answer 'yes' when you ask me if I love you.I never say the words 'I love you'!Why is it so hard for me to say those words to you?You are the person I love the most in this world.You are the person I am most loved and cherished by in this world.You catch me when I fall,you help me pick up the pieces when my whole world crumbles .You'r strength gives me the strength to face the darkness.
I wonder if you know how much I love you?Do you see it in my eyes every time I cry when I leave you?Do you hear it in my voice every time I tell you I want to let this all go and come home?Do you know how much I cherish the Saturdays we spend together,how I wish for a life of Saturdays?
I cannot comprehend what my life would be after you leave one day.As selfish as it is I hope I leave before you, because to loose you will mean my world will no longer exist.I would not hear if I donot hear your voice each day,I would not see if I didn't see your smile everyday.
I wish you would read this,I wish you would know......
I LOVE YOU ammi !
I wonder if you know how much I love you?Do you see it in my eyes every time I cry when I leave you?Do you hear it in my voice every time I tell you I want to let this all go and come home?Do you know how much I cherish the Saturdays we spend together,how I wish for a life of Saturdays?
I cannot comprehend what my life would be after you leave one day.As selfish as it is I hope I leave before you, because to loose you will mean my world will no longer exist.I would not hear if I donot hear your voice each day,I would not see if I didn't see your smile everyday.
I wish you would read this,I wish you would know......
I LOVE YOU ammi !
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thathi
My dad died when I was just about to turn 7.We just arrived in SL for a summer and he had a severe MI and left us forever. I don't remember much of how I felt other than utter sadness and the wish that he would somehow come to life before he was buried. I'm always open about his death and have no problem talking about it with people....I always say 'I'm ok, its been a long time'.But as I write this post tears stream down my face uncontrollably.
As of late I have started questioning my memories about him.Whether I remember his face, how he talked, his love..I have questioned whether I still love him too.You have to understand I will always love him, as he is my father but it has been so long that the special things that makes a daughters love stronger has escaped my mind.
But this morning I was woken up by an answer to all these doubts and questions in my mind.
I had a dream just before I woke up.Thathi was alive..there was no such interaction between us but the fact that he was alive was established through out the dream.Then I was driving to the airport ( random I know) and I was struggling to find the correct road and to basically navigate the car.Then I get a call from Ammi saying that Thathi died. I stopped cold, I didn't know what to do.I woke up straight after with an empty feeling that I haven't felt in a LONG time and always try to avoid at all cost! I didn't know what to do.The emptiness engulfed me and I sat in the misery of my room staring at my computer for a while.I didn't know whether I wanted to cry or I wanted to throw things around.I knew I couldn't stay in my room anymore.So I got dressed and came to the library in hope that if i bury my self in my never ending work,so that I will forget this emptiness.
My questions however were answered.I never thought I could feel this empty 16 years after.Now I know that the bond we had so strong is not broken.Even though I don't remember his voice,his hugs or his presence I still know he is close and dear to me deep down in my heart.
In hope of another life spent cherished in his love.......
As of late I have started questioning my memories about him.Whether I remember his face, how he talked, his love..I have questioned whether I still love him too.You have to understand I will always love him, as he is my father but it has been so long that the special things that makes a daughters love stronger has escaped my mind.
But this morning I was woken up by an answer to all these doubts and questions in my mind.
I had a dream just before I woke up.Thathi was alive..there was no such interaction between us but the fact that he was alive was established through out the dream.Then I was driving to the airport ( random I know) and I was struggling to find the correct road and to basically navigate the car.Then I get a call from Ammi saying that Thathi died. I stopped cold, I didn't know what to do.I woke up straight after with an empty feeling that I haven't felt in a LONG time and always try to avoid at all cost! I didn't know what to do.The emptiness engulfed me and I sat in the misery of my room staring at my computer for a while.I didn't know whether I wanted to cry or I wanted to throw things around.I knew I couldn't stay in my room anymore.So I got dressed and came to the library in hope that if i bury my self in my never ending work,so that I will forget this emptiness.
My questions however were answered.I never thought I could feel this empty 16 years after.Now I know that the bond we had so strong is not broken.Even though I don't remember his voice,his hugs or his presence I still know he is close and dear to me deep down in my heart.
In hope of another life spent cherished in his love.......
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