My dad died when I was just about to turn 7.We just arrived in SL for a summer and he had a severe MI and left us forever. I don't remember much of how I felt other than utter sadness and the wish that he would somehow come to life before he was buried. I'm always open about his death and have no problem talking about it with people....I always say 'I'm ok, its been a long time'.But as I write this post tears stream down my face uncontrollably.
As of late I have started questioning my memories about him.Whether I remember his face, how he talked, his love..I have questioned whether I still love him too.You have to understand I will always love him, as he is my father but it has been so long that the special things that makes a daughters love stronger has escaped my mind.
But this morning I was woken up by an answer to all these doubts and questions in my mind.
I had a dream just before I woke up.Thathi was alive..there was no such interaction between us but the fact that he was alive was established through out the dream.Then I was driving to the airport ( random I know) and I was struggling to find the correct road and to basically navigate the car.Then I get a call from Ammi saying that Thathi died. I stopped cold, I didn't know what to do.I woke up straight after with an empty feeling that I haven't felt in a LONG time and always try to avoid at all cost! I didn't know what to do.The emptiness engulfed me and I sat in the misery of my room staring at my computer for a while.I didn't know whether I wanted to cry or I wanted to throw things around.I knew I couldn't stay in my room anymore.So I got dressed and came to the library in hope that if i bury my self in my never ending work,so that I will forget this emptiness.
My questions however were answered.I never thought I could feel this empty 16 years after.Now I know that the bond we had so strong is not broken.Even though I don't remember his voice,his hugs or his presence I still know he is close and dear to me deep down in my heart.
In hope of another life spent cherished in his love.......
About Me
- Charmed
- According to my friends Im an egoistic princess who would not settle for nothing less than the best,according to my mother I am on a constant journey to be better than everyone else at the same time having the most peaceful and feather like existence,according to me Im just a lost soul trying to find my meaning in the world and to find the meaning of what we call life,may it be through religion,literature, art or human interactions. On a more bland and boring note Im a student trying to learn how to ease a persons pain and save a life if it comes to it.
2 comments:
Ok I know its a very poor substitute (which Im not trying to do), but still..
*HUG*
:)
Awww that was very sweet of you dili!Had a bad day today so it counts even more!Thank you :)
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